For years on end – maybe 10 years or so – my energy cleanses were strongly animated by visions of the past – not my own past but a variety of remote pasts, that stopped sometime in the 1960s. I do not know the nature of what I saw, mostly because I do not have any commonly agreed on explanation for it and because I have not heard of anyone else with similar experiences. So, I do not have much to go on. It might have been my mind playing tricks on me. It might have been information I picked up left and right. Or maybe, it was my psyche’s way of organizing traumas.
When you think about it, this last hypothesis might have something to it. From the moment you are highly sensitive and are aware of things others typically block out, would it not be logical to assume that what you store is also much more dense than with others or that you are able to recall much more content than they do? In other words, not only are the contents of your memories more detailed but so too are the associations you make at the moment you store them or remember them. And these associations could very well be compositions of your own making which function like romanced versions of the masks you created to compensate for your traumas. You are hurt and create a story in your head by which you are a victim, you make yourself out to be a persona based on documentaries, books, films, news reports, etc.
Indeed, the funny thing about memories is that while our entire personality is built on them, they are the most unreliable thing we have. Studies show our mind stores only reduced amounts of information and reconstructs the full picture of an event only when solicited. It is quite typical for example for someone to transform the details of a memory as they go along and a little bit more each time they recall it. A well-known example of the phenomenon is Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s Les Rêveries du promeneur solitaire. As the story goes, many of the dates and references he uses in the book are inexact.
Does this mean you cannot trust your recollections and that you should doubt everything that comes into your mind during energy therapies? I have no idea. But there is a certain logic to it; blanks are not filled in entirely arbitrarily: the preview you can get at the moment of pushing out a memory and the final film you put together over the weeks that follow have correspondences. And this is precisely what makes me wonder about the nature of my visions. The ones that take place in another space and time – like Africa or ancient Egypt – I reconstruct with the same efforts as the memories that took place here and now. So are they also memories?
I would be the first to argue that they are figments of my imagination, except for three things. One, they do not really feel outside of me. In fact, it is not really like I actually see much of anything, it is more like I understand I am there. Two, with the images come (violent) emotions. These are proportionate to the nature of the events I see/feel, which are unimaginably cruel. And three, they are very realistic. They are definitely not about imaginary beings.
Some would argue they are the visions are my past lives. Others would argue they are the egotistic personas I created to make sense of the traumas I have suffered in this life (maybe much like a person with multiple personalities would?). Of course, I could ask a Shaman to confirm either or (and knowing myself, I eventually will). But that would still mean I would need to trust them, a person outside myself, to draw a conclusion about myself that I myself cannot reach.
I will not lie to you: with a rational mind like mine, it has irritated me tremendously all these years not to know. But then I wonder what difference it would really make. Either way, whether the visions tell me about who I actually was or about how I see myself, having them has freed me from the debilitating emotions they contained. And the even better news is that while for many years they were very present, they have become increasingly absent and have almost entirely been replaced by memories from this lifetime. And if that is not sufficient indication that perseverance pays off, maybe the stones that came out of my last liver flush for the first time in my life should be.