In my experience, if you want to free yourself from the memories and their pains, you need to remember them. How else can you release something than by first acknowledging its presence? However, becoming conscious of the experiences that have structured your psychological makeup and defined you as a social being is very uncomfortable. It means facing your past and with it, your feelings, your tastes, and your character traits – everything you have been using unconsciously to define yourself as a person, please the people around you, and overcome difficult situations. So, do not be surprised if you freak out at this stage: seeing yourself and the people around you for the first time is a lot to take in. You may come to realize why you have been acting like your mother, your father, or your sibling; you may suddenly understand that the only reason you have not been able to entirely turn the page on that one ex of yours is shame; you may suddenly see that deep down you are profoundly scared of everything and feel like a loser.
It can be quite shocking. Hence the need in this phase – more than in any other – to find ways of making yourself feel safe and strong, at least long enough to muster the courage to accept what is coming your way. Personally, what helps tremendously is meditating and walking. They are some of the best tools to help me detach myself from my social being and acknowledge I have put a filter on my life. In other words, they help me develop a double consciousness where I am both anchored in the present and watching, hearing and feeling the movie of my past. They are even more effective when I am able to practice in the middle of nature.
Speaking of movies, what also works for me is watching films and series, or reading novels. It is as though by feeling compassion for what some of the characters are going through, I am also allowing myself to feel compassion for myself. Furthermore, it is the opportunity to engage emotionally in stories and events that I would never be able or want to experience in my lifetime. This confronts my subconscious to new realities and sends it the message that whatever it is struggling with does indeed exist and is in fact possible – no matter how violent the images or the emotions it is processing. Of course, as I mentioned in my previous post, real life experiences do wonders as well.
Yet another great way of letting the grime surface is to have a talk about it. In fact, this might be a good time to visit a coach or a psychologist. Or maybe you prefer discussing your experiences with a close friend or simply writing about them. Find what comes easiest, use one, use them all. Again, it is up to you. You might even want to try a different approach altogether, such as pretending to cry or scream. What I mean is: make the crying sound for five minutes or scream and punch into a pillow. Allow your body to express itself.
Whatever the method, before long, the underlying emotions and realizations will surface. You will cry buckets and scream until your throat hurts. You will have so many ha-ha moments and so many crazy ‘epiphanies’, everything will seem crystal clear all of a sudden. And you will finally understand – even if only for an instant – why you are the way you are and how that is not really you at all, but only your conditioning.
A sure sign for me that I have gone through a full cleansing cycle is when I get the urge to clean or organize my external environment. You may even need to clean out your closet and get rid of all those things that no longer fit you or feel comfortable. It is like Spring cleaning without the Spring. I love this part.
It will come as no surprise though that since we are dealing here with a natural and human process, nothing is ever as clear cut as I have described it. In other words, while you definitely are cleaning, it is definitely not a clean process. Energy cleanses are gradual and chaotic. At the moment you are in phase 1 of one memory, you may simultaneously be in phase 3 of another. Just as with life, everything is interlinked: what you are going through professionally has an impact on your personal life and whatever you are experiencing in the most intimate depths of your psyche reflects on your outside world. This means you never know where the blockages lie and where they are leading you. Another way to look at it is that sometimes launching phase 1 for one given memory can help you reach phase 3 of another. Furthermore, each one of us is different. So, while one method may help you develop your double consciousness and let go of an emotion, it may also be working miracles to detach a memory. This is why I would definitely suggest trying different things and keeping up the work.
Essentially, what I have learned in my 12 years of energy cleansing could boil down to: let it come, let it pass and let it go. This is an always on going cycle. In other words, what is key to getting the cleansing to bear fruit is to develop one’s awareness in all things, at all times. It is not easy, but it does get easier with practice.