The second phase of the energy cleanse is the one I like the least. I am going through one of them as we speak and it is tough. I am not sure what caused it. I am guessing it is a combination of things, among which my last constellation. Whatever it is, I did feel some cramps in my colon and my liver last week, which for me are enough to know something is coming.
So here I am: reliving the past. And I mean this quite literally. I am not simply remembering, I am reliving. In other words, this is the phase where you will catch yourself in all sorts of behaviours that you thought were gone and buried. You can start craving foods you had not eaten in years or alcohol while you have not had a drop in the longest time or compulsively buying things that are not your style anymore, dressing in a striped shirt similar to the one you owned when you were thirteen. You might decide to start waking up an hour earlier again, the way you used to when you were in high school. Maybe you feel very sexual all of a sudden. Or you can have feelings of greatness and euphoria, say things that sound a bit off. Your voice and intonations can sound fake or out of place. You may wonder: “was that me who just said that?” Needless to say, this is a very stressful phase. It generates quite a bit of anxiety and mood swings.
At the physical level, I sometimes know it is right around the corner when I feel this short spell of dizziness or gong-like tremor going through me, or you might even picture a person entering your body. I do not really explain it except by considering it as the recuperation of a part of my energy body – a part that I have been rejecting because I never really liked how it made me act. This part of me is in a type of pain I do not want to face and has been compensating however it could.
It might be necessary in this phase not to get too carried away. Of course, it is easier said than done. When old impulses come back, it is close to impossible to resist them – especially in the first years of the cleansing work. If you have a tendency to turn to food and alcohol to camouflage your distress for example, expect some weight gain. Yes, this sucks. You might get so obsessed with that one type of extra fatty and sweet chocolate you used to eat every day when you were younger, that you just will not be able to buy and eat it. But think of it this way: a few pounds may be manageable when you are getting rid of the repressed behaviours that eventually would have had you gain twice that much.
Try to replace as much as possible with healthier options or resist altogether, if you can – also the alcohol, the cigarettes and the rest. Come what may, make sure to care of yourself. And I would say: always go for the lesser evil. But do not totally block out the impulses either. You might be missing the opportunity to get to the bottom of them and see what bruises are hiding behind them. It is like Marcel Proust’s Petite Madeleine. Had Proust never eaten a Madeleine cake, he would never have remembered the summers he had spent with his aunt. This is comparable in that if you avoid the context tied to the memories and emotions that come knocking, you might forever be shutting them out of consciousness and holding them trapped in your subconscious.
There is really nothing very fun about this second phase, but I find comfort in the fact that after it comes phase 3. More about phase 3 in a next post.